


Warm smile

by morgansoul



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, I should not be writting when I'm in a bad mood, mentions to death, metions to suicide, sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28514337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgansoul/pseuds/morgansoul
Summary: Tissaia comes back to her quarters after a rough day and Vanielle is there with her always warm smile.
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Vanielle of Brugge
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	Warm smile

**Author's Note:**

> It's not much, it's just something that came to mi mind because my twitter timeline it's been full of they both and one anon asked me if I would write something from them, so here it is.
> 
> I know it's shitty, but I've not been having my best time lately and that's all I could manage, sorry.
> 
> And, befor I forget, Vanielle is my tier 3 ship for Tissaia bcs Yennefer goes first and Rita second, so yes, probably when I end my exams and papers I will write more for the 3 pairings, so if you have prompts or whatever you want me to think about, you know where to find me <333

Tissaia closed the doors heavily behind her and leaned against the wood of one of the leaves, closing her eyes and breathing deep only once before the indifferent mask that her face used to be began to crumble. She wouldn't cry, no, she wouldn't, but now that no one was watching her, she didn't have to keep up appearances; her poise was unnecessary, no one would judge her for showing weakness if they couldn't see her, right?

When she opened her eyes, a warm hand was perched on her cheek and the pale thumb of the woman to which it belonged caressed her sharp cheekbone, removing a treacherous tear that dared to fall from her eye. Vanielle smiled warmly and her eyes only enhanced that emotion, unable to hide the affection with which it intermingled. Tissaia hadn't seen her on her way in, so part of her felt guilty about being exposed that way to someone, but it didn't really matter if that person was Vanielle. The brunette had always been by her side since the two had started working together in Aretuza, she had been her support, her constant, her person, her touchstone and the only reason the rectoress was still sane, if one could say so. Even when Stregobor drove her mad, when The Chapter made decisions against her, when her students thought once again of some ways they would like to kill her, to get revenge for the way she treated them. Vanielle was always there, assuring her that she was not a monster, that everything would go well, that The Chapter would realize their mistakes or that they could soon kill damned Stregobor.

"What have you done today?" The brunette's soft voice made the rectoress relax her body and shrug her shoulders, "do you want a cup of tea?"

When Tissaia didn’t answer, Vanielle separated from her and started to walk, leading her to the chimney. In front of the fire there were two armchairs and among them a table, on which there were arranged a tray with two cups and a steaming teapot. There were no cookies but considering that the night before Rita ate practically all of them, it was not surprising. The rectoress loved the nights that she and Vanielle both spent talking or staring at the stars, as much as those passing between the sheets of her bed, so she would manage to go to the kitchen later and get something else from snacking that wasn't within her usual diet, now that she had managed to get into her room. Vanielle smiled fondly and took her own cup to her lips, as the fire lit up her face giving her reddish and yellowish tones that highlighted the dark color of her hair and eyes; every time she looked at her, Tissaia was sure that she had never seen a more beautiful woman before and that, each time, the brunette looked prettier. Yes, she may have been in love with the woman who was with her now, but no one had to know about it, did they? The only person who could penetrate her mind –and only because she would allow it– was sitting next to her and always willing to listen to her. Vanielle would never try to get into her mind, for the bond and friendship that tied them, had its foundations in trust and a kind of love very difficult to measure and understand for anyone who could not feel it. Perhaps that was what always led Tissaia to speak, to open he herself, to expose her feelings and thoughts; only Vanielle had the privilege of seeing the darker and brighter side of the arch-mistress.

Vanielle was the only person Tissaia could be herself with, without being afraid to be judged, hated or repudiated, she was the one who had accepted her as she was, with her flaws and virtues. She knew everything about her, and she was still in love with her. When she was with her, the rectoress felt complete, her fears reduced to the point of almost fading, while a warm and pleasant sensation settled on her chest; with Vanielle by her side, anything was possible, including defeating Nilfgaard and frustrating whatever Fringilla and the emperor's plans were.

"Stregobor is determined to exterminate the remaining princesses," explained the chestnut, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"You have a vial of aconitum in the first drawer of your desk, you could put it in his coffee," Vanielle tried to hide a surprised smile behind the cup, "everyone would be grateful..."

"I know, but..." Tissaia sighed and closed her eyes, allowing silence to follow her words, except for the gentle crackle of fire and the gentle whispering of some fabrics. The next time the blue orbs peeked out as her eyelids opened, Vanielle was sitting on her lap and looking her in the eye, serious, "that vial is for emergencies".

"And what emergencies are those?" Vanielle's hand again found her cheek and left gentle caresses on her skin with her fingertips, she forgot everything else for a moment, not willing to let Tissaia have those kinds of thoughts.

"You know exactly what they are," the chestnut sank into the armchair, and closed her eyes again, silently enjoying the contact, "but I agree that we should take that manic girl killer out of the way," at the very moment when Tissaia's eyebrows got frowned upon, the other woman's finger stroked the wrinkles until she was forced to relax the gesture.

"When you get angry, you're very sexy and I'd love to see you kill him, but you have to take it easy, sweetie," Vanielle's voice was soft and close to her ear, "and you also have to forget about those emergencies".

"No... " Tissaia opened her eyes and leaned forward, clearly altered and almost managing to pull Vanielle out of her lap with that move, "no".

The brunette sketched a soft, warm smile, surrounding the other woman's neck with both arms and looking her in the eye. It took only a minute for the rectoress to relax in the armchair again and put her hands on both sides, on the armrests, quietly wishing Vanielle would sit on her for a while longer and not leave her side, not yet. They had too many things to think and talk about and many unresolved issues that would likely require the approval of the Brotherhood and The Chapter, so any quiet moment they might have was priceless, besides, it felt like ages since they last talked properly. Vanielle moved her arms so she could lean against Tissaia's chest and leave her head on her shoulder, while her breath warmly caressed the skin on the rectoress' neck.

"Stay with me tonight," Tissaia whispered, closing her hands tightly on the armrests of the armchair.

"I will always be with you," the brunette took her hand to the rectoress’ cheek again, causing her to turn her head and look at her, "you should know it better than anyone, I could never leave you, my love".

Tissaia sketched a small smile, before bowing a little and closing the short distance between her lips, in a gesture as spontaneous as it was brief, for they barely rubbed their mouths. Maybe they hadn't spoken of feelings, they may never have confessed to what they both felt nor had they labeled their relationship, but Tissaia knew the brunette loved her, and Vanielle knew the rectoress felt exactly the same way about her. After all, words were never necessary between them, not when they had each other, or when a look was more than enough to know what they were thinking. The kiss was brief and far from enough, but it was what it took for the tears to come back into the rectoress’ eyes before she could do anything to prevent it.

"You have to let it go," Vanielle whispered against her lips, "if you don't let go of what you're keeping, you can't stop feeling it or learning to live with it."

"I know, but after the last disaster, everything is hanging from a thread," Tissaia pressed her lips in a thin, pale line when her jaw started shaking, "I can't afford a new mistake, not like Sodden's".

Tissaia couldn't swallow the knot in her throat, so she couldn't keep talking. This time, not even Vanielle's warm smile or the caresses she left on her cheek and neck were enough to soothe her, so the brunette was silent and gave her the opportunity to channel her emotions. The times when something could beat Tissaia enough to make her cry were as rare as it was to see Stregobor being altruistic, so not even she was sure of how to handle the situation or behave, beyond allowing the rectoress to vent. It took her several minutes and the explosion of the teapot, but eventually Tissaia managed to control her sobs, although the pressure on her chest did not leave her heart.

"Why are you crying then?" Vanielle's voice was soft and loving again, "tears won't solve anything. And there's nothing more hideous than a crying sorceress".

"You don't understand..."

"Oh, but I do understand, my love," the brunette kissed Tissaia's cheek, prolonging the contact for several seconds, "I know you better than anyone in this world or any other," I know your heart, for it is where you have kept me this whole time".

The rectoress’ next sob took them both by surprise, but Vanielle simply began to caress the chestnut strands tenderly, causing the crying to be much more intense every second, until several things around them began to burst without warning. Tissaia threw her head forward, trying to take shelter in the woman's arms, in search of the safety she had always felt there; she needed it, she needed her so much that it hurt. No, she could no longer believe that she was a product of her mind, it was impossible that she wasn't there, that she would have left her when she had promised her that she wouldn't.

"But I didn't leave you, my precious Skylark," Vanielle leaned her forehead on the rectoress’ and sighed, "it was you who did so, and that's why you think I'm here". 

"I had to stop her... I had to stop Fringilla before she hurt you, before someone innocent suffered the consequences of my decisions. I'm sorry I failed you, I'm so sorry I made you die, " Tissaia had her eyes open, but tears fell down her cheeks with freedom and indifference, albeit without permission. Her whole body was shaking and the next thing to blow up was the glass window, causing great roar, "if I had, if I had managed to convince Fringilla..."

The cold winter air entered the room with violence, dragging the rain with him. The fire went out in a matter of seconds and the room was left in the dark, abandoning the two women to be lit only by the dim moonlight. Although Tissaia's body trembled and her sobs were audible, Vanielle's warm voice reached her ears again.

"Then what? Wouldn't they have quartered Coral? Wouldn't they have burned Triss? Wouldn't Vilgefortz have betrayed us? Wouldn't Sabrina have been possessed by a mind worm? Do you really think I'm here to torment you, Tissaia?"

The rectoress did not answer, but her eyes moved quickly to the resting place of some of the broken window’s crystals that had fallen to the ground near them. The aconitum, the crystals, the open window, the dagger on her desk... All options led her to the same conclusion, all paths shared the same destiny, and only death seemed willing to offer her the comfort she could not find anywhere else. After all, she was not her Vanielle, just a pale image she had created, unable to accept her death, clinging to her memory so forcefully that it was no wonder Triss was worried about whether well-being... Vanielle and other twelve mages may had died at Sodden, but so did Tissaia, for those arrows also ripped her heart from her body. She would simply...

"No," Vanielle grabbed her by the wrist and looked her in the eye, serious," you can't do it, you're not that weak ".

"I'm tired, I've lived too long, I have no family, I don't have any friends, life hasn’t anything else to offer," Tissaia looked at the woman, before kneeling on the floor next to her. She was no longer crying, but it was obvious that her heart was broken into a thousand pieces, " I never told you that I loved you, that I truly loved you, and that you were the most important person to me. If I'd known you'd die in Sodden, that you'd die because of me, I would never have asked you to fight by my side ".

"Would you have sacrificed your pride for me? "

"I would have sacrificed the Continent for you!" Tissaia cried, popping one of the shelves and causing all Aretuza to start shaking.

"Tissaia, you have to calm down," the mage looked around with concern, "you could hurt one of your students," the rectoress gave no sign of listening to her, so the brunette resorted to the only option that went through her mind, raising one of her hands and moving it quickly, with a clear intention of slapping the woman. However, Tissaia stopped her just before the palm of her hand hit her cheek, holding her wrist. "How are you even doing that? I'm not really here".

"You are always here to me, and I always listen. And I can always see you," the tears were back at the rectoress cheeks, for she could not contain them longer.

"Then why didn't you speak to me? Not until today," yes, maybe Vanielle hadn’t realized until now, but this was the first time Tissaia talked to her in months, since she died at Sodden and a little part of her soul decided to chase the rectoress in order to make sure she’d be okay without her.

"Because I thought it would hurt too much," the voice was barely leaving Tissaia’s lips, trembling and being difficult to understand.

"I believe I could have coped," complained the brunette.

"No. I thought it would hurt me... And I was right, it hurts like nothing has before. I can’t do this, I can’t live without you," the hand Tissaia was using to hold Vanielle’s wrist started now to caress her skin, "I’ve been ignoring you for months, waiting for you to fade or for someone else to see you… Please, let me do it just this time. Let me go to you".

"No, my love, your time is yet to come and when it does it’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt as much as it hurts now, but the Continent still needs you, Aretuza needs you and our girls are too young, too unexperienced… They need you too," Vanielle’s hands found her cheeks again and dried some tears, "Rita is not ready yet, but either are Philippa, or Triss, not even you".

"But I am ready to die!"

"Are you?" The woman sighed and took the chestnut’s hands, "you can’t even tell if I’m a spirit or a product of your mind, despite knowing I could be both and none".

"You’re tormenting me because I failed you," groaned the rectoress.

"No, no, dear. I’m looking after you because I love you," Vanielle smiled softly and warmly, "I thought that you couldn’t see me, that you couldn’t feel me, and now you tell me you were just ignoring me this whole time because you were not able to deal with your feelings… But sweetie, you need to cope with them, you need to embrace the pain, the sadness, the shattering. You need to learn how to live again because you can’t die, not because I did, not because you feel guilty. Please, Tissaia, you must live, for the girls, for the Continent, for me. I know it hurts so much to be apart, but taking your life won’t fix anything, for you’ll only betray yourself," her hands ended up on Tissaia’s cheeks again, "promise me, please. Promise me you’ll live for both of us".

"I am sorry, I am so sorry… You weren’t supposed to die, you shouldn’t have… I can’t…"

"But you can," Vanielle smiled again, "forget the guilt, let your heart heal… You are always and completely forgiven, but only for not telling me that you loved me, because my death was never your fault. There was nothing you could have done to protect me or to save me, I wouldn’t have let you and I wouldn’t have want it to be in any other way," she let a kiss on Tissaia’s temple, "I must leave now and this time there won’t be a coming back. I only came to make sure you’ll go on, but I will see you in our next live… I would wait an eternity for you, Tissaia de Vries, Skylark, rectoress, arch-mistress of magic… And I want you to know that I love you, I always did and I always will," Vanielle let a kiss on the rectoress lips, "and I am not the only one, my love, for there are many people who care for you, who will help you, who will be there for you".

Tissaia had no chance to react before the brunette's lips sealed hers and her own hands found Vanielle's cheeks, looking for some way to hold her, to keep her by her side forever. She had told her that she would stay with her, that she would not abandon her, but now she was saying goodbye... Had talking to her been what had triggered her march? Should she have continued to ignore her presence like the last few months? She wasn't ready, not for it. She didn’t want to be alone and broken again.

Since the Battle of Sodden, Vanielle's spirit had been accompanying her everywhere. At first, Tissaia had thought that the woman had not died and that everything was fine, but Margarita had told her that Brugge's mage was among the Fourteen of Sodden. However, until that very night, the rectoress had been sure that Vanielle was nothing more than a product of her mind created to torture her, to make her feel guilty and to pay for her mistakes... But at no point had Tissaia stopped to think that this could really be the last vestige of the spirit of her beloved, who could not leave until she ensured that her only unfinished bussiness among the living was solved; until she was sure Tissaia would get on with her life. While Tissaia could not imagine living again, much less be happy, she would do her best to survive and maybe...

"Tissaia?" A voice said behind her back.

The rectoress opened her eyes at the moment, only to meet the empty and shattered room in front of her. There was no trace of Vanielle, even among the darkest shadows of the room, near broken glass, fallen books or wood chips from the shelves. The room was a complete mess, but only Margarita and Tissaia were present in the place... So, considering that the blonde hadn't seen Vanielle, the rectoress preferred not to think about what the woman should be thinking of her right now. She didn't have time to do it, anyway, because from one moment to the next, as the crystals rejoined in the window and the fireplace was lit a second time, strong arms surrounded her body and narrowed her tightly and silently. Apparently, Rita needed nothing else to know that chestnut wasn't right —it wasn't as if anyone could unleash such a lot of chaos without realizing it and be fine, or as if it were a secret that Tissaia's duel was far from over—but no one had said a word about it, too afraid of the reaction Tissaia might have. So, talking or not about Tissaia’s state, Margarita Laux-Antille was not willing to let her friend grieve alone, no if she could have a say on it.

"I'm here, I'm with you, Tiss" Rita whispered, when the woman tried to take her away from her, "and I'm not leaving until you're okay. You're my friend and you're not alone, I won’t let you".

That last sentence was the key to Tissaia's emotions overflowing again, causing her to have no choice but to abandon herself in Rita's arms, just as she had done before in the arms of Vanielle's vestige. Maybe the blonde and the spirit were right, maybe she wouldn't have to be alone for as long as she had to be alive, maybe she could even make friends, start over, learn to live with heartbreaking pain... Yes, she had made a promise to Vanielle and she had to keep it, she had to live for both of them at any cost.


End file.
